Random Thought : Married people secret languages

Random thought: it be neat if each husband and wife had their own language, one just the two of them understood and no one else.

Sure, sometimes we can read the body language of the other but to be able to have a private conversation in any situation at any time.

When I was a kid, one of my friends parents spoke English as their second language. It was interesting one day at her house when I heard them speaking and realized I didn't understand what they were saying. I asked her if she knew and she said no. I am very sure that it was none of my business (I was just a curious child, and, hey, I am still a curious person). It must have been nice for them to share what was on their minds freely.

I think that it would be useful quite often. Like when buying a car, I find that the sales people generally do not leave the two of you alone to really talk things over. So, my husband and I enter the lot with a general understanding of what we are looking for and that is helpful. But how neat would it be if in the middle of our visit to the dealership we could converse with each other in a language that no one else would ever understand?

On the other hand, however, I think that there is a lot of value of children hearing their parents discussing something and working out an understand or agreement between the two of them. Children benefit from knowing that parents can disagree, work through things and still love each other in the end. And if husband and wife used their secret language too often, children would not see an example of conflict management.

Oh well. Just a random thought. No real point, other that it is something that popped in my brain tonight. But hey, I am a "painter", so this is the way I am. 

Pointer vs. Painter

It was brought to my attention that I did not discuss an another interesting part of the recent wellness retreat for pastors and wives. It's about how we communicate; as a painter or as a pointer.  It relates to more than just how people communicate in a marriage, even though that was more of the focus since we were all married folks.

Disclaimer:  It depends on where you are and the situation.

From a trail in TN, nice picture to paint sometime...

So a painter, is a person who likes to give all the details of a picture, and often times doesn't have a point or know what the point is when they start talking.  A pointer is a person, does just that, they get to the point. The point is often the first thing out of their mouth.

If you haven't guessed, I am more often a painter. It might be why I can blog about randomness and feel better for it. Yes, I try to have a point for the blog at hand, but it usually takes be a bit to get there. I have been known to be a pointer, mainly in school or some work situations where I have a task and I want it to be done well and quickly. I know, a tad demanding, but life can be that way.

A classroom worm being a "pointer".  (TN)

My husband  tends to be a more of a pointer. Sure, he can paint a wonderful picture with his words, but he picks his words a lot more carefully and has a point with a plan on how to get there.  Keeps life interesting around here.

Neither style of communicating is "better" than the other. Just different.

What's new? I am different than my husband. I think that is a very good thing. I am sure that I drive him nuts at time with my random chatter or thoughts, but they make sense to me. Early on in the marriage I remember getting responses from him like "Now what are you talking about? You lost me." 

Either style can unintentionally hurt the others feelings. I know we down play feelings, but they are part of what we carry around with us each day. I am hoping that by knowing that a pointer thinks the point is the first thing out of my mouth, like it is with them, I will try to make my words encouraging.

Nice to take time to observe all sort of things in life. (TN)

Hey! So I am wondering if anyone who read the last blog that I posted, if you look at yourself in the mirror and said "I am a baptized child of God. Who am I going to blessed today?"  Honestly, I haven't.  Well, I have said "I am a baptized child of God." But I have not asked or even thought about the "who am I going to bless today'" part.

Fail. Well, there is tomorrow.

And there is grace for us today. That is something to be thankful for!