Random thought: it be neat if each husband and wife had their own language, one just the two of them understood and no one else.
Sure, sometimes we can read the body language of the other but to be able to have a private conversation in any situation at any time.
When I was a kid, one of my friends parents spoke English as their second language. It was interesting one day at her house when I heard them speaking and realized I didn't understand what they were saying. I asked her if she knew and she said no. I am very sure that it was none of my business (I was just a curious child, and, hey, I am still a curious person). It must have been nice for them to share what was on their minds freely.
I think that it would be useful quite often. Like when buying a car, I find that the sales people generally do not leave the two of you alone to really talk things over. So, my husband and I enter the lot with a general understanding of what we are looking for and that is helpful. But how neat would it be if in the middle of our visit to the dealership we could converse with each other in a language that no one else would ever understand?
On the other hand, however, I think that there is a lot of value of children hearing their parents discussing something and working out an understand or agreement between the two of them. Children benefit from knowing that parents can disagree, work through things and still love each other in the end. And if husband and wife used their secret language too often, children would not see an example of conflict management.
Oh well. Just a random thought. No real point, other that it is something that popped in my brain tonight. But hey, I am a "painter", so this is the way I am.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Pointer vs. Painter
It was brought to my attention that I did not discuss an another interesting part of the recent wellness retreat for pastors and wives. It's about how we communicate; as a painter or as a pointer. It relates to more than just how people communicate in a marriage, even though that was more of the focus since we were all married folks.
Disclaimer: It depends on where you are and the situation.
So a painter, is a person who likes to give all the details of a picture, and often times doesn't have a point or know what the point is when they start talking. A pointer is a person, does just that, they get to the point. The point is often the first thing out of their mouth.
If you haven't guessed, I am more often a painter. It might be why I can blog about randomness and feel better for it. Yes, I try to have a point for the blog at hand, but it usually takes be a bit to get there. I have been known to be a pointer, mainly in school or some work situations where I have a task and I want it to be done well and quickly. I know, a tad demanding, but life can be that way.
My husband tends to be a more of a pointer. Sure, he can paint a wonderful picture with his words, but he picks his words a lot more carefully and has a point with a plan on how to get there. Keeps life interesting around here.
Neither style of communicating is "better" than the other. Just different.
What's new? I am different than my husband. I think that is a very good thing. I am sure that I drive him nuts at time with my random chatter or thoughts, but they make sense to me. Early on in the marriage I remember getting responses from him like "Now what are you talking about? You lost me."
Either style can unintentionally hurt the others feelings. I know we down play feelings, but they are part of what we carry around with us each day. I am hoping that by knowing that a pointer thinks the point is the first thing out of my mouth, like it is with them, I will try to make my words encouraging.
Hey! So I am wondering if anyone who read the last blog that I posted, if you look at yourself in the mirror and said "I am a baptized child of God. Who am I going to blessed today?" Honestly, I haven't. Well, I have said "I am a baptized child of God." But I have not asked or even thought about the "who am I going to bless today'" part.
Fail. Well, there is tomorrow.
And there is grace for us today. That is something to be thankful for!
Disclaimer: It depends on where you are and the situation.
 |
| From a trail in TN, nice picture to paint sometime... |
If you haven't guessed, I am more often a painter. It might be why I can blog about randomness and feel better for it. Yes, I try to have a point for the blog at hand, but it usually takes be a bit to get there. I have been known to be a pointer, mainly in school or some work situations where I have a task and I want it to be done well and quickly. I know, a tad demanding, but life can be that way.
 |
| A classroom worm being a "pointer". (TN) |
Neither style of communicating is "better" than the other. Just different.
What's new? I am different than my husband. I think that is a very good thing. I am sure that I drive him nuts at time with my random chatter or thoughts, but they make sense to me. Early on in the marriage I remember getting responses from him like "Now what are you talking about? You lost me."
Either style can unintentionally hurt the others feelings. I know we down play feelings, but they are part of what we carry around with us each day. I am hoping that by knowing that a pointer thinks the point is the first thing out of my mouth, like it is with them, I will try to make my words encouraging.
 |
| Nice to take time to observe all sort of things in life. (TN) |
Hey! So I am wondering if anyone who read the last blog that I posted, if you look at yourself in the mirror and said "I am a baptized child of God. Who am I going to blessed today?" Honestly, I haven't. Well, I have said "I am a baptized child of God." But I have not asked or even thought about the "who am I going to bless today'" part.
Fail. Well, there is tomorrow.
And there is grace for us today. That is something to be thankful for!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Ramble and Retreat Reminiscing
Writing in this blog has been on my mind, at least a few times a week. Every week. If it was the thought that really count in this world, I'd being doing great, right? The challenge is in the timing. I sometimes get what seems like interesting ideas, unfortunately I am in the middle of something, like driving, and it is not a good time to try to write. And then when I get the time to write, I forget what it was going to be about or how it was interesting and not just me rambling.
Rambling can be interesting, at times, right?
Last week, my husband and I went to a "Wellness" retreat. Overall, it was a very good time. They gave us lots of info on 'wellness'. It was a bigger picture than just "eat right and make sure you work out", and I appreciated it. The part that I liked the most that they presented everything through the lens of "Old Self" and "New Self". The "old self" is our natural state, sinful and self centered nature; while the "new self" is who we are as a baptized child of God, the focus is not on the self but on a bigger picture, the body of Christ. I really liked that it was built out from each of us being " In baptism- A new creation in Christ".
Having the starting point of us understanding the "new self" (honestly, not a new concept to a group of pastors and their wives but nice to review that thought) and then using it when thinking on our lives: past, present and future. For the past, we can remember some hard times in our lives and were encouraged in those times now because Jesus was there with us. We are not alone in our bad days or heart broken moments, Christ was there. Just like He is with you today and will be there with you tomorrow.
In the present, we were encouraged to start each day by looking in the mirror and telling ourselves (with a huge smile on your face and seriously mean this:) "I am a baptized child of God! Who am I going to blessed today?" Not new to trying to be mindful of baptism.... honestly do not think about it each morning, but I know that I should. Have to say though, the second part of the quote "Who am I going to bless today?", I felt was self righteous. So I asked others about it. If the question is posed with the attitude of the "new self" then it is more about being open to God working through you to bless others for the benefit of the kingdom as a whole. I have not said "Who am I going to bless today?" in the mirror, yet. Maybe I will give it a try tomorrow.
"New self" for the future. Not really for all that far in the future, but really for future challenges. So first, I want to share how the "old self" would face a challenge. Someone viewing a situation from the view point of the "old self" would feel anxious about it and say something like "Well, look what I have to deal with now." When the "new self" is in play, challenges can still seem big, but more about curiosity for the "new self" and would likely say "How are we going to handle this?" We are not alone, so why try to take on challenges alone when we can work together. I like teams, they are a happy thing.
The best part of the whole thing was getting to spend time with some other wonderful couples and time to pray together. Prayer is something that is very powerful. And having trusted friends praying for you... well it always brings me to tears. (The good kind.) Looking forward to seeing them again.
I am a baptized child of God. For which I am very thankful.
Rambling can be interesting, at times, right?
Last week, my husband and I went to a "Wellness" retreat. Overall, it was a very good time. They gave us lots of info on 'wellness'. It was a bigger picture than just "eat right and make sure you work out", and I appreciated it. The part that I liked the most that they presented everything through the lens of "Old Self" and "New Self". The "old self" is our natural state, sinful and self centered nature; while the "new self" is who we are as a baptized child of God, the focus is not on the self but on a bigger picture, the body of Christ. I really liked that it was built out from each of us being " In baptism- A new creation in Christ".
Having the starting point of us understanding the "new self" (honestly, not a new concept to a group of pastors and their wives but nice to review that thought) and then using it when thinking on our lives: past, present and future. For the past, we can remember some hard times in our lives and were encouraged in those times now because Jesus was there with us. We are not alone in our bad days or heart broken moments, Christ was there. Just like He is with you today and will be there with you tomorrow.
In the present, we were encouraged to start each day by looking in the mirror and telling ourselves (with a huge smile on your face and seriously mean this:) "I am a baptized child of God! Who am I going to blessed today?" Not new to trying to be mindful of baptism.... honestly do not think about it each morning, but I know that I should. Have to say though, the second part of the quote "Who am I going to bless today?", I felt was self righteous. So I asked others about it. If the question is posed with the attitude of the "new self" then it is more about being open to God working through you to bless others for the benefit of the kingdom as a whole. I have not said "Who am I going to bless today?" in the mirror, yet. Maybe I will give it a try tomorrow.
"New self" for the future. Not really for all that far in the future, but really for future challenges. So first, I want to share how the "old self" would face a challenge. Someone viewing a situation from the view point of the "old self" would feel anxious about it and say something like "Well, look what I have to deal with now." When the "new self" is in play, challenges can still seem big, but more about curiosity for the "new self" and would likely say "How are we going to handle this?" We are not alone, so why try to take on challenges alone when we can work together. I like teams, they are a happy thing.
The best part of the whole thing was getting to spend time with some other wonderful couples and time to pray together. Prayer is something that is very powerful. And having trusted friends praying for you... well it always brings me to tears. (The good kind.) Looking forward to seeing them again.
I am a baptized child of God. For which I am very thankful.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Perspective, alway developing it.
Perspective. We each have our own, right? We each can look a picture of a landscape and see it differently. Can you picture in your mind what a desert in Nevada might look like. Late afternoon sun, no trees, just sand, cacti, mountains in the distance and maybe a vulture circling in the sky. One person may look at it from their perspective and say "This place is depressing. No water for my thirst. No shade to relax in. No place to go shopping and buy a new phone, mine is like 3 years old!" And another might have a different perspective of, "Finally, I am far enough away that no one can bug me on my cellphone. I can warm up in the sun. Hey, those mountains look awesome."
It's all in the eye of the beholder... just like beauty is said to be as well.
Our little family moved recently, as you know. We did, in fact, move to an apartment that is smaller than our last one. By only 300 sq. ft. I am honestly fine with the smaller apartment. I feel as though we needed to look at all our stuff, really look at it, to see what we actually use. And donate or toss the rest. It is a long process. At least I have time to do that these days.
When I was first tell people that the new place is smaller than that of our last, I felt like they were waiting for me to be upset about the size difference. I have a feeling that might be because so many of us grew up not only having plenty of what we need but also living in a country with the current culture pushing the importance of more of the new shiny things, bigger places to live, pricier clothes and accessories. By the standards in the States, I have never been rich, so maybe I don't know what I am missing. But my perspective is different.
I have been blessed with a perspective that keeps developing a greater understanding of the world as a whole. I got a chance to see how some folks in Nicaragua live. Some do live in nice homes, not too much different that we might find here in the states. But there are many who live in what best can be described a tin shack about the size of a storage shed I one had in my back yard in NY. And not just one person living there but a whole family of four. No air conditioning or windows in a part of the world where it is often in the 90's (Fahrenheit) with humidity and dew point near that as well.
That is not anywhere close to my current living conditions. I am honestly just thankful we found affordable housing in an area where my child can go to a great school. That is just my perspective on the situation.
It would be very wrong of me not to admit that I have struggled with my perspective on different issues during different times of my life. I have, sometime greatly struggled with my perspective. Most days I am generally an enthusiastic optimist. It can be quite I annoying I bet. Like for a real life example a friend of mine was sharing with me how it seems like one crummy thing is happening after another and she is concerned about what might be coming next. It is like she is living in a storm (now this is seriously my own take on what is going on in her life) on the ocean in a boat that keeps getting pommeled by waves. She is just trying to prepare herself for the next wave to hit. I am am praying for her and the waves in her life. But this is how my optimism can be a bit annoying: Friend: I just keep wondering what will happen next. Me: Maybe a pay raise or free ice cream on Fridays? Friend: You are probably a bit to optimistic.
She is probably right. I am a bit too optimistic. There have been days in my past thought that I think that I wasn't and missed out on the good that was right in front of me. I have always had a family that loves me (even when my optimism is over the top!), I have been graced with good health, safe and clean places to
live, chance to grow and learn (in formal and informal settings). I have cleaning drinking water, clean clothes, I get to take a shower whenever I feel I need one, even with nice smelling soap! I have been blessed a loving husband and a healthy child. Even with all that I have times or days that I do feel like waves are hitting me over and over, causing me to wonder what is next and how am I going to handle it. And I get stuck looking of a wave that is bound to crash over me instead of noticing I don't have to be in the storm alone. It don't like feeling stuck like that. When I realize that it is me that is the grouchy funk, I do what I can to get out of it. Often I ask dear friends of mine to pray from me and to chat with me. It is easier to get out of a funk when there are others willing to help lift you up and help you find something that is good going on in your life. Usually that is something to be thankful.
It can be a challenge to have a positive perspective but I want that for my reality. Hope it doesn't drive everyone else crazy!
It's all in the eye of the beholder... just like beauty is said to be as well.
Our little family moved recently, as you know. We did, in fact, move to an apartment that is smaller than our last one. By only 300 sq. ft. I am honestly fine with the smaller apartment. I feel as though we needed to look at all our stuff, really look at it, to see what we actually use. And donate or toss the rest. It is a long process. At least I have time to do that these days.
When I was first tell people that the new place is smaller than that of our last, I felt like they were waiting for me to be upset about the size difference. I have a feeling that might be because so many of us grew up not only having plenty of what we need but also living in a country with the current culture pushing the importance of more of the new shiny things, bigger places to live, pricier clothes and accessories. By the standards in the States, I have never been rich, so maybe I don't know what I am missing. But my perspective is different.
 |
| A family of four sleep here. The father in one bed, the mother and children in the other. |
That is not anywhere close to my current living conditions. I am honestly just thankful we found affordable housing in an area where my child can go to a great school. That is just my perspective on the situation.
It would be very wrong of me not to admit that I have struggled with my perspective on different issues during different times of my life. I have, sometime greatly struggled with my perspective. Most days I am generally an enthusiastic optimist. It can be quite I annoying I bet. Like for a real life example a friend of mine was sharing with me how it seems like one crummy thing is happening after another and she is concerned about what might be coming next. It is like she is living in a storm (now this is seriously my own take on what is going on in her life) on the ocean in a boat that keeps getting pommeled by waves. She is just trying to prepare herself for the next wave to hit. I am am praying for her and the waves in her life. But this is how my optimism can be a bit annoying: Friend: I just keep wondering what will happen next. Me: Maybe a pay raise or free ice cream on Fridays? Friend: You are probably a bit to optimistic.
She is probably right. I am a bit too optimistic. There have been days in my past thought that I think that I wasn't and missed out on the good that was right in front of me. I have always had a family that loves me (even when my optimism is over the top!), I have been graced with good health, safe and clean places to
live, chance to grow and learn (in formal and informal settings). I have cleaning drinking water, clean clothes, I get to take a shower whenever I feel I need one, even with nice smelling soap! I have been blessed a loving husband and a healthy child. Even with all that I have times or days that I do feel like waves are hitting me over and over, causing me to wonder what is next and how am I going to handle it. And I get stuck looking of a wave that is bound to crash over me instead of noticing I don't have to be in the storm alone. It don't like feeling stuck like that. When I realize that it is me that is the grouchy funk, I do what I can to get out of it. Often I ask dear friends of mine to pray from me and to chat with me. It is easier to get out of a funk when there are others willing to help lift you up and help you find something that is good going on in your life. Usually that is something to be thankful.
It can be a challenge to have a positive perspective but I want that for my reality. Hope it doesn't drive everyone else crazy!
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Busy and Thankful
Life has felt busy and a bit overwhelming with all that goes with moving, husband starting a new call (like a new job or a transfer of sorts), and getting details taken care for company this weekend (and peeking at a few possible jobs). I still have boxes to unpack and things to organize. It will be close enough to done when company arrives, and they know we just moved. I am sure things will be fine.
Had a some wonderful moments this evening that really warmed my heart. The first was listening to our daughter play with her daddy (my wonderful husband) and the crazy laughter coming from their play. And the other moment was when She asked her daddy to read her a story, with using voices. He did well with the voices. Apparently better than I do with voices!
Tonight, I am thankful that my daughter has such a loving daddy.
Monday, July 29, 2013
New Place, New Routine
Moving is weird.
Wednesday we moved everything out of our place in Nebraska, with wonderful helpers. We moved in to our new place on Friday, with some wonderful helpers here in Tennessee. It's wild how fast it all went.
We have been working on making this new place our home... one box at a time. Our cat seems to have settled in, finding all his favorite nap places as we remove boxes. He, just like our daughter, seems to be most happy with things when there is a schedule going on around our place. The cat, named Squirrel, has been a part of bedtime stories and prayers for years. Once we start reading with our daughter, Squirrel wonders in, at his own pace, and finds his place at the foot of her bed. The routine helps him to stay calm in the new place.
Moving feels odd this time. I am not feeling stressed about the move. Some of the details, like getting someone registered for school and preparing for company in a few weeks (or less), sure stresses me a bit. I can't it into words, this move is different from the others. I think that it is at least a good sort of different. Even though I still have to find "my place" in a new city and congregation, I feel like there is a place for me. And that does feel nice. Now I just wait for God to show it to me.
Maybe I should be like the cat and get a routine going for me. Maybe I will find a routine, after the boxes are unpacked, after the books are all on the shelves and the dishes in the cupboard. After school has started for our kiddo, after my husband has been officially installed and officially starts his new position, and after company has come and gone, I will find a routine. The routine will help make the new place home.
Until then, I will be embracing the chaos and find ways to make each day orderly and as much of a routine as possible.
Wednesday we moved everything out of our place in Nebraska, with wonderful helpers. We moved in to our new place on Friday, with some wonderful helpers here in Tennessee. It's wild how fast it all went.
We have been working on making this new place our home... one box at a time. Our cat seems to have settled in, finding all his favorite nap places as we remove boxes. He, just like our daughter, seems to be most happy with things when there is a schedule going on around our place. The cat, named Squirrel, has been a part of bedtime stories and prayers for years. Once we start reading with our daughter, Squirrel wonders in, at his own pace, and finds his place at the foot of her bed. The routine helps him to stay calm in the new place.
Moving feels odd this time. I am not feeling stressed about the move. Some of the details, like getting someone registered for school and preparing for company in a few weeks (or less), sure stresses me a bit. I can't it into words, this move is different from the others. I think that it is at least a good sort of different. Even though I still have to find "my place" in a new city and congregation, I feel like there is a place for me. And that does feel nice. Now I just wait for God to show it to me.
Maybe I should be like the cat and get a routine going for me. Maybe I will find a routine, after the boxes are unpacked, after the books are all on the shelves and the dishes in the cupboard. After school has started for our kiddo, after my husband has been officially installed and officially starts his new position, and after company has come and gone, I will find a routine. The routine will help make the new place home.
Until then, I will be embracing the chaos and find ways to make each day orderly and as much of a routine as possible.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Transition time
Since I have last posted, I have: traveled to Wisconsin to see some family; traveled to Tennessee to visit a congregation that issued him a call; had an awesome visit from a dear friend from Colorado; drove to St. Louis; went to National youth gathering in Texas with about 30,000 other folks; drove to southern Ohio to see family there; husband accepted the call to the Tennessee congregation; and my grandmother turn 90 years old! Tomorrow we we load a moving truck and Thursday we start drive from Nebraska to Tennessee. It has been a good and overwhelming summer! 
Two days ago was our last Sunday at the congregation in Nebraska. The congregation gave us a very kind send off. I have been reading the cards they gave us with very kind notes and I feel bad that there are some that I cannot picture who the people are that wrote such lovely notes! This congregation worships about 2,000 people in a weekend, so in my defense, that is a lot of people to learn names for. The members I do know, have been wonderful to us. I am going to miss seeing them every week.
During the last morning everyone asked the same questions. Here are some of my answers:
~Things are mostly packed. Anyone is welcome to help us load the truck.
~The congregation in Tennessee worships about 120 on a Sunday. I am looking forward to learning everyone's name!
~Kiddo starts school August 2nd.
~Columbia is about 33,000 people.
~I am sad to say good bye to the folks in Nebraska but looking forward to making new friends in Tennessee.
~The closest Target and Starbucks are in the next town, about 15 mins away.
~Kiddo will be going to public school. We are sure she will do well, though she says she will miss having "Jesus time" at school. We will continue "Jesus time" at home.
~We do have a place to live in Tennessee.
~ I will be waiting until I get my family settled before I figure out what to do with my time.
That is the tricky part, figuring out what am I going to be doing. Of course I will unpack, help prepare my daughter to start school next, and do all I can to make our new place feel like home for us. And then I will think of finding a part time job. One that allows me to have the same days off as my daughter does from school and that it is not stressful to take time off for PLI (a program for pastors and their wives that is educational and has very supportive people who encourage us), and maybe even a family vacation. I am feeling that that is a high maintenance request of just about any job. It is not a overly stressful thing to find a job, other than it is nice to know that I am helping my family so it easier do some of our favorite past times, like traveling or make it more possible to visit family. Good thing I know that I can trust God and he will provide for my family.
Thank you for any prayers for my family during this move and for the two congregations impacted, may God guide and bless them.
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