A tired mom.

I do not feel like 'blogging'. I am tired, I am drained, I feel blue. I do not feel like having deep thoughts about life. I am more inclined to turn the TV on and slowly tidy things up, so less is waiting for me in the morning. 

Today I rather talk about being a full-time mom/homemaker/whatever else fits here, because that is what I am. A mom. I understand that this position is a choice, just like being a work outside the home parent and having daycare. Neither is better than the other. That is not what this is about. This is more about how today, or the last few days really, my role has been challenging. Everyone has challenges, right? Even if you are not a parent, there are challenging days in your life.

I am an extrovert, meaning I feel more energized after spending time with people. I can energize with quiet time, alone, but it is not the same. Being home full-time means that I have to be intentional about looking for ways to spend with people big enough to talk. And I really prefer to do it outside of our home. I am there all day and I see the chores or projects that need to be done. Given the option, I rather go out of these walls. If the day is nice, please let me meet people outside!

These last few days have been challenging because our youngest has not been feeling great so we have needed to be home as much as possible. And we have been, except to go to the doctor or get medicine. Having a young sick child that cannot say "hey, this hurts" or "I am uncomfortable here" rather they just scream is draining to any caring adult. So' how I feel makes sense, right? Others have been here, I know they have. And have made it through. Things are getting better for out little one today. For that I am thankful.

Life is going on wit plenty to do and I have chosen to write/blog. I am doing this because it is the evening that I have said I would do it. I am working on starting a pattern. Life has a lot of patterns. Bet everyone has a pattern or a routine in which they get ready, do chores, pay bills, pack for a trip. Adding something to a pattern or routine can be a challenge. There will be times when it is easy to say "Well, I don't have to do that." or "I am too tired". But the problem is that when you are trying to set a new pattern and you stop doing it, starting it back up is even more difficult.

There are plenty of patterns in the Bible. One that easily comes to mind is having a day of rest. (Ha! As a mom of a young child, there is not a day I would describe as that! It might happen in a few years.) God created for the first six days then on the seventh he rested and it was good. That doesn't mean He never worked again. He rested and then the Bible talks about other days and ways God worked throughout the whole Bible. Setting and having a pattern of working and resting sounds great. But how many of us do it? What can it look like? Will it always happen when, where and how we want it to?

I missed worship time this week because of our little one's illness. (A understandable reason.) My weekly pattern is thrown off and I feel it. I need worship time, just as much as I need rest time, work time, workout time and lunch time.  So I am going to keep the pattern and write tonight, even if I do not feel like it. The pattern may be good for me.  If nothing else, typing is a bit like talking, I can ramble in either medium.

Blessings!

What should a pastor's wife be like? Can she have friends?

What should a pastor's wife be like?

There is a stereotype of a super happy lady that always looks well kept, but not too extravagantly dressed or to racy, and is musically gifted with at least one instrument along with the ability to sing solos. Well.  She can quote the Bible and knows what is best to say in any social situation.  (Are these the same things that we expect of first ladies, royalty or other dignitaries too?)  I honestly can not think of any real person that meets all these expectations. Can you?

I remember in my adolescent years my dad told me that I needed to use a fork to open the English muffins that have the label on the package stating that they are "fork split" English muffins. And by doing this my future in-laws will be able to tell that I was a good kind of lady (or something to that affect). Well, my in-laws have never supervised me on how I open the English muffins (I use a knife, since I am such a rebel!). They have enjoyed what food I have made them over the years as far as I know. Who cares as long as the utensils are clean, right?

There are several other areas of life that we seem to assume things about the person. Not all lawyer are sleazy or in it for the money. Not every celebrity blows all their money on drugs and designer everything.  Extroverts do need some alone time while introverts can do well with large groups. You get the idea. There is more to a person than what we might expect.

As soon as people learn that I do not like singing solos and cannot read music, or I put my foot in my mouth or dislike my outfit, they seem disappointed in me. It is written on their face and sometimes is even clear in their words and actions. "Really!? You do play the piano or sing? That is just strange." Or they just stop talking to me entirely and I am not sure why. It could be something I said, did, or didn't do. Or it could have to do nothing me with and the other party just wants to be quiet at church or doesn't feel like saying 'hi' in the grocery store because it has been a day that they just want to get things done and go home and veg. I get it.

Between the expectations and me being human friendships can be a bit difficult. Add in the fact that we move from time to time, good friends are hard to find.  I bet that there are many others out there that would love to make good friends and have challenges like moving often, job title, or whatever the barrier could be. Finding and making good friends is hard.  I do have some very good friends, they just mainly live rather far away.

There is another expectation(s) on the pastor wife (as well as the pastor and the rest of the family) and it usually is one extreme or another. The pastor and wife should either be (1) friends with the whole congregation or (2) friends with no one in the congregation.

Tackling the first thought, the pastor and  friends with everyone. I want to know if this is your view, are you friends with everyone in the congregation? What does that look like? Are you finding that you are equally fond of each and every person? Do you feel equally close with everyone? Do you feel it is a good idea to share everything about yourself with everyone?  I do not anyone who really does that.

The second school of thought, the pastor and wife should not friends in the congregation. If that is your thought, would you want to go to the same church week after week where you do not feel connected to anyone? Where you are not sure who to ask for prayer when you are having a struggle or do not feel that you can even admit that you are having a struggle in life? Do you want to work/worship along side people that really have not clue who you are?

Both of this thoughts seem to be extremes to me. I like to look at Jesus and his life for a good guideline. Yes, Jesus is 100% God and so he is perfect. But he is also is 100% man. Human. I am human. So, Jesus had friends, right? The 12 disciples. They ate and traveled together often. In the group of the 12, doesn't it seem like Jesus was closer with 3 of them, Peter, James and John, than he was with the other? What about the 72 that seemed to meet with them often? That sounds similar to the same amount of people in a small congregation We know some names, but not all. I believe Jesus knew their names, being God, but did not invest in them the same way he did with the 12 or the close 3. We can summarize that Jesus trained those close to him to be disciples and then they were told to "go and make disciples of all nations".

So following Jesus, as we are all called to do, and his example, I do have some folks I would consider as friends at each place my husband has been called to serve. Yes, there are things that happen that it are not okay share with even those you feel close to. (Those things are burdens as part of the ministry and are not fair for others to know.) But it is nice to have people to meet up with that have children the same as yours or have the same interests outside of worship, or just are positive sort of people that just are great at spreading the joy of the Lord.  (Not that they have to be happy all the time, I know how hard that expectation is!) Is that similar to how you make friends? I also love having friends that do not go to the church my husband serves. Other Christians make nice friends. So do people who are not Christians but can respect that you two have different views of the world. Those are fun people to get into deep discussions with, they usually see things so differently, but we can find way to agree on something!

In addition to a hand full of friends at the church, there are folks that I do get to know a bit because they are involved. Often they have been involved at that church for decades and they have their friend group already and are content to where God has them. I enjoy the people that are invested in the congregation and their faith. We may not be BFF's but we often have short pleasant conversations. They are busy people on Sunday mornings, much like our family is too.

Some folks I see from time to time, I am terrible at remembering their names, (I seriously fall short of the glory of God) though I am glad they can make it to worship. (There are individual situations in this example and I do not know them all but I can respect them.) I am not very close to them, but that would not be reasonable. Often they are well connected with other church members. (Fits the discipleship model.)

There are always people who feel that we should be closer to them and are mad at us for not being closer. I don't know who they are. I only hear about it through some sort of grapevine. That makes it gossip right?  So maybe it is not the case and just idol gossip. No need to take stock in that, right?

After all that is thought through, the expectations that people have are really not going to be met. Whether you feel I should have any friends in the congregation or not, or to be best friends forever with everyone, we can at least talk about these ideas.  None of our expectations, yours or mine, will likely be the true outcome of this life. In the end the answer seems to always be Jesus, doesn't it.

Everyone has Expectations

Everyone has expectations. They have expectations of getting decent food at a restaurant. Expectations of actually receiving what they ordered online at their home or office. We expect others to text us or call us back after we call them. We expect facebook friends to say ‘happy birthday’ on our walls on that special day of the year. We all have expectations; anyone who says they do not is either clueless about something or lying. 

I am certain I cannot state this enough, ever. I am not perfect. I would not even claim to be nearly perfect. 

This year we were blessed with our second child. We are thrilled to have her in our family. I did have some serious expectations. This is not my first child, and I have worked with babies and young children for years. I expect that I know what I am doing. And I do know what the books, websites, doctors and blogs say. Knowing and acting upon the knowledge are two different things.

Having a newborn, the expectation is that sleep is rare and uncommon.  It is a time in life that sleep is more precious than a flawless jewel. That expectation was definitely met with our sweet little second blessing.  My dear husband was able to adjust and was dearly helpful during all hours of the night. I did need and appreciate his help greatly. 

There is an expectation that babies sleep through the night consistently around 6 months. That expectation is still waiting to be met with our 7 month old. We are finally doing the heart wrenching method of letting the baby cry it out. It is helping but is very challenging so many reasons.  

During these months of sleep depravity I have had struggles as a pastor’s wife.

There are expectations for a pastor’s wife to be warm and friendly to all, always. People like to count on the pastor’s wife to take care of things, to a high quality of standard.  They expect the pastor’s wife to be cheery and have things in life going well.  As my mom would, have everything be “just peachy-keen”.  

To these expectations, I have failed these 7 months.  I know that this is to be very true. Let’s say I have reliable sources.  These last 7 months I have done a less than satisfactory job by some expectations as a pastor’s wife. I honestly hate letting people down or acting in a way that they perceive that I am ‘upset’ with them. The truth is that I am just tired, and doing the best that I can. I am glad to say that I know that there is grace and forgiveness for me with Christ. 

 But I have not failed at what you might expect from a mother with a young one at home.  I have been exhausted, with some days afraid I might fall asleep while driving to the grocery store or church, (these seem to be the only places I went to for months) only a few short miles away.  I have not been able to keep up with all the cleaning and organizing that I would love to be able to get done as a full-time stay at home parent.  I have not been great about being a friend that checks up on the people in my life have had some challenging situations. (Thankfully, some of my dear friends have given me the benefit of the doubt and know I still do care. They have learned I might text them back at 3am.)

As the wife, I spoke with my husband recently about we are doing as a couple. You know the conversation that couples have from time to time about how things are going, asking only when you are prepared for the worse but praying for the best case response. To be honest, I may not always ask for this in a very direct way. I usually ask a more general question hoping he will know what I mean. We have been married for twelve years, and he has not been very good at reading my mind just yet. (A girl can hope, right? Might be an unrealistic expectation though…) So the conversation went sort of like this:

Me: Are you happy?

Him: I am stressed about this work thing and concerned about that other thing.

Me: Oh, yes. I remember you saying those things before. I meant more are you happy with us?

Him: Yes, I am.

The words may not be exactly what were said, but you get the idea. That is what matters to me, that my husband is still glad to have me as his wife. He knows very well my imperfections, and he still loves me.   I do not meet all the expectations people have of their ‘pastor’s wife’, or other expectations they may have on me regardless what role they view me as and that is the way life just goes.  I am back in the time of life where there a little one that needs me often, while the rest of our sweet family still needs me for what I have been doing to support them.  Being a wife and mom are vocations that take a higher seat than pastor’s wife.

This is not about excuses; it is about having realistic expectations. And the expectations are the most unrealistic from myself. I am going to work on that.

Cat + Vacuuming = thoughts on God

Living in a new state, there is always somethings that are a bit different that I have to get used to and deal with. Living in Tennessee is no different. Here there thing that gets to me the most are Japanese Beetles. These are little beetles that look very much lady bugs.  For some reason these bugs have been coming into own apartment since the fall. Most folks had the massive swarms show up for a few days, then they seemed to move on.   We did have some cover our balcony door and sneak in during those days in the fall. Since the fall though, I have been vacuuming live beetles all winter long. On cooler days I might only find a few and yet on warmer days like today I got 28. I have no idea where they are coming in at or hiding. I just go into one room in the apartment and there they are. So I vacuum them up. Just about daily.

With the vacuum running all the time these days in our home, I would have thought that our cat 'Squirrel' would have become accustomed to hearing the vacuum and less afraid of it. Yet, every time I turn on the vacuum the cat runs and hides. All I am doing is vacuuming up bugs that are poisonous  when eaten by small animals. So the vacuuming of these bugs is probably saving Squirrel from a few stomach aches.

While vacuuming and watching the cat run away, I had a thought "What if this is the way I am with God? What if when things are going on in my life that I am unsure of or I worry about are just things God is using to clean up my life so I have a better life? What if God is just running him plan that is good for me and I react to his care by running away and hiding?" 

Looking back on my life, hind sight always 20/20, I can see where I struggled and how the struggle was used to improve me. Maybe thinking of this while I vacuum will help to do better in the next new struggle... what ever that may be.

December 2013

It is a challenge to try to keep up on a blog with all that I need and want to do with each day. It is except the blog end up being last on the list. The problem lies in when I do make or have time to blog, there is just to much to share!  Lucky for us all, I took pictures and pictures are worth a thousand words, right?

So I think that I last shared that I was working on a project that paired with my husbands sermons during Sunday in Advent.  I will let you see all those, finished.  The pictures I did for worship services, I have been working on for months. I thought it might be fun to share some of the sketches and practices that got me to the finished picture.  Also some other paintings that I have done recently, mainly for gifts this Christmas and some projects we have done as a family. It has been a fun and busy few weeks!

I was so anxious with the first picture. I am thankful to the folks up at Faith in Thompson Station that let us visit them on  Saturday evenings to get a practice run in!

Week 1: Psalm 122

Week 2: Psalm 72

Week 3: Psalm 146

This was a challenge for me. I worked for hours on just trying to draw a chair! I have my favorite sketch of the chairs that I did further down the page.

  I very much enjoyed weeks 3 and 4 because I like the pieces the most and I was finally becoming more comfortable to be doing my art in front of a group of folks. (Thankful that they were all so kind to me!)

Week 4: Psalm 96

 

 

The sketch that the throne in week 2 was based off of.

A practice painting for week 2, before the decision was made to do the pictures as oil pastels instead of all acrylic paints. And of course before the throne was added in place of the cross. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paintings that were given as gifts

This was also given as a gift this year.

We had a blast making gingerbread buildings as a family. This our daughter did, it is a school!

My husband worked on this gingerbread home and made it quite inviting.

I made this to be a church similar to the one my husband is currently serving at. I hope it is not a prophetic gingerbread, since the sides did collapse in!  

I just liked this picture of our cat... and yes, we had our windows open this past month! It is a very mild winter here in Tennessee!

We had a great time making jar lanterns!

Christmas Eve Service

 We pray that you all had a blessed Christmas and that you remember to keep "Christ" in Christian all year through!

 

Just me, learning and trying the best I can

I keep getting comment about how neat it is that I married a pastor. And I must say, yes I think that my husband is a neat guy and blessed to get to use his gifts to serve God and the Church (aka the body of Christ).   Yes, I would agree that the office of the ministry is pretty special too. And I am blessed to have the husband I have, for many more reasons than his role in the body of Christ.

I have to be honest, I do think that I am some what of a neat person (I would have to, to be able to blog about myself and thoughts) BUT I do not think that I am any more neat, or interesting or important than anyone else in this world.

We are each God's favorites.

I bet that each person who reads this (mostly likely just folks that I know, so I know this is true) have very wonderful qualities that they (or you, really) can use for serving God and others. And you may not even "work" a paid job in a church building.

Ever said or sent an encouraging word to another person? That is a wonderful gift ad serving God. Or held a door open for the next person. Yep, that is a gift.

Some have told me that I down play my role in a church... I might go with I like to point out that I am a sinner and that I need grace and love just like the next person.

I think that I am concerned about people that might try to place unrealistic expectations on me because I am married to a pastor (who is human too!). I have disappointed folks in the past and have seen the hurt in their eyes that I couldn't do anything to change. I have to be me, the way God made me.  And I am learning and growing each day.

Learning can be quite messy.

Good thing that we are God's favorites (each person in the world is his favorite that person, in my understanding) and He loves us so much, ...not just enough, the Bible says "so much", that He gave just the gift of his presence in Jesus and hope that we have because all of the work Jesus did for us.

I just hope folks can forgive me when I am human and make mistakes. I will make them, I always do.

Have a good one, God's favorite you! ;-)

Advent Week 1.5

*Ad·vent -noun \ˈad-ˌvent, chiefly British -vənt\

Definition of ADVENT

1:  the period beginning four Sundays before Christmas and observed by some Christians as a season of prayer and fasting

2

a :  the coming of Christ at the Incarnation

b :  second coming 

It is the season of Advent. I thought it might be good to just start with Merrian-Webster's definition just so everyone would know what I am talking about. Sometimes there are "churchy" terms that "churchy" people may assume everyone knows the meaning of... when it is quite possible that most of us don't. (There are terms and things like come up in the church that I do not know and I google it or honestly ask my hubby when I get a chance!) 

So, this advent season, my husband is doing a sermon series on the Psalms that are part of the readings for us this year. Last Sunday was the first Sunday in advent and the Psalms that was focused on was Psalm 122. (If you would like to read it, here is an easy link: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20122&version=ESV ). While these sermons are happening, he has asked me to do art that fits the Psalm. I thought that it might be interesting to share last week's art.  I do want to let you know that I am not used to doing art in such a public manner with a time limit. This is a tad out of my normal comfort zone, but it is fun... once I did it a few times (I am doing art in three different services).

This coming weekend's picture has been a challenge for me. Hopefully it will be to God's glory when it is finish. I pray that you all have a wonderful Advent season!

 Oh! Side note for those who have prayed for me in the past, I am currently working part-time for the holiday season. It's a great job and I am very thankful for it! 

*Source
 "Advent." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 6 Dec. 2013. <http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Advent>.

 

Random Thought : Married people secret languages

Random thought: it be neat if each husband and wife had their own language, one just the two of them understood and no one else.

Sure, sometimes we can read the body language of the other but to be able to have a private conversation in any situation at any time.

When I was a kid, one of my friends parents spoke English as their second language. It was interesting one day at her house when I heard them speaking and realized I didn't understand what they were saying. I asked her if she knew and she said no. I am very sure that it was none of my business (I was just a curious child, and, hey, I am still a curious person). It must have been nice for them to share what was on their minds freely.

I think that it would be useful quite often. Like when buying a car, I find that the sales people generally do not leave the two of you alone to really talk things over. So, my husband and I enter the lot with a general understanding of what we are looking for and that is helpful. But how neat would it be if in the middle of our visit to the dealership we could converse with each other in a language that no one else would ever understand?

On the other hand, however, I think that there is a lot of value of children hearing their parents discussing something and working out an understand or agreement between the two of them. Children benefit from knowing that parents can disagree, work through things and still love each other in the end. And if husband and wife used their secret language too often, children would not see an example of conflict management.

Oh well. Just a random thought. No real point, other that it is something that popped in my brain tonight. But hey, I am a "painter", so this is the way I am. 

Pointer vs. Painter

It was brought to my attention that I did not discuss an another interesting part of the recent wellness retreat for pastors and wives. It's about how we communicate; as a painter or as a pointer.  It relates to more than just how people communicate in a marriage, even though that was more of the focus since we were all married folks.

Disclaimer:  It depends on where you are and the situation.

From a trail in TN, nice picture to paint sometime...

So a painter, is a person who likes to give all the details of a picture, and often times doesn't have a point or know what the point is when they start talking.  A pointer is a person, does just that, they get to the point. The point is often the first thing out of their mouth.

If you haven't guessed, I am more often a painter. It might be why I can blog about randomness and feel better for it. Yes, I try to have a point for the blog at hand, but it usually takes be a bit to get there. I have been known to be a pointer, mainly in school or some work situations where I have a task and I want it to be done well and quickly. I know, a tad demanding, but life can be that way.

A classroom worm being a "pointer".  (TN)

My husband  tends to be a more of a pointer. Sure, he can paint a wonderful picture with his words, but he picks his words a lot more carefully and has a point with a plan on how to get there.  Keeps life interesting around here.

Neither style of communicating is "better" than the other. Just different.

What's new? I am different than my husband. I think that is a very good thing. I am sure that I drive him nuts at time with my random chatter or thoughts, but they make sense to me. Early on in the marriage I remember getting responses from him like "Now what are you talking about? You lost me." 

Either style can unintentionally hurt the others feelings. I know we down play feelings, but they are part of what we carry around with us each day. I am hoping that by knowing that a pointer thinks the point is the first thing out of my mouth, like it is with them, I will try to make my words encouraging.

Nice to take time to observe all sort of things in life. (TN)

Hey! So I am wondering if anyone who read the last blog that I posted, if you look at yourself in the mirror and said "I am a baptized child of God. Who am I going to blessed today?"  Honestly, I haven't.  Well, I have said "I am a baptized child of God." But I have not asked or even thought about the "who am I going to bless today'" part.

Fail. Well, there is tomorrow.

And there is grace for us today. That is something to be thankful for!

Ramble and Retreat Reminiscing

Writing in this blog has been on my mind, at least a few times a week. Every week. If it was the thought that really count in this world, I'd being doing great, right? The challenge is in the timing. I sometimes get what seems like interesting ideas, unfortunately I am in the middle of something, like driving, and it is not a good time to try to write. And then when I get the time to write, I forget what it was going to be about or how it was interesting and not just me rambling.

Rambling can be interesting, at times, right?

Last week, my husband and I went to a "Wellness" retreat. Overall, it was a very good time. They gave us lots of info on 'wellness'. It was a bigger picture than just "eat right and make sure you work out", and I appreciated it. The part that I liked the most that they presented everything through the lens of "Old Self" and "New Self". The "old self" is our natural state, sinful and self centered nature; while the "new self" is who we are as a baptized child of God, the focus is not on the self but on a bigger picture, the body of Christ.  I really liked that it was built out from each of us being " In baptism- A new creation in Christ".

Having the starting point of us understanding the "new self" (honestly, not a new concept to a group of pastors and their wives but nice to review that thought) and then using it when thinking on our lives: past, present and future.  For the past, we can remember some hard times in our lives and were encouraged in those times now because Jesus was there with us. We are not alone in our bad days or heart broken moments, Christ was there. Just like He is with you today and will be there with you tomorrow.

In the present, we were encouraged to start each day by looking in the mirror and telling ourselves (with a huge smile on your face and seriously mean this:) "I am a baptized child of God! Who am I going to blessed today?"    Not new to trying to be mindful of baptism.... honestly do not think about it each morning, but I know that I should.  Have to say though, the second part of the quote "Who am I going to bless today?", I felt was self righteous. So I asked others about it. If the question is posed with the attitude of the "new self" then it is more about being open to God working through you to bless others for the benefit of the kingdom as a whole.  I have not said "Who am I going to bless today?" in the mirror, yet. Maybe I will give it a try tomorrow.

"New self" for the future. Not really for all that far in the future, but really for future challenges. So first, I want to share how the "old self" would face a challenge. Someone viewing a situation from the view point of the "old self" would feel anxious about it and say something like "Well, look what I have to deal with now."  When the "new self" is in play, challenges can still seem big, but more about curiosity for the "new self" and would likely say "How are we going to handle this?" We are not alone, so why try to take on challenges alone when we can work together.  I like teams, they are a happy thing.

The best part of the whole thing was getting to spend time with some other wonderful couples and time to pray together. Prayer is something that is very powerful. And having trusted friends praying for you... well it always brings me to tears. (The good kind.)  Looking forward to seeing them again.

I am a baptized child of God. For which I am very thankful.

Perspective, alway developing it.

Perspective. We each have our own, right? We each can look a picture of a landscape and see it differently. Can you picture in your mind what a desert in Nevada might look like. Late afternoon sun, no trees, just sand, cacti, mountains in the distance and maybe a vulture circling in the sky. One person may look at it from their perspective and say "This place is depressing. No water for my thirst. No shade to relax in. No place to go shopping and buy a new phone, mine is like 3  years old!" And another might have a different perspective of, "Finally, I am far enough away that no one can bug me on my cellphone. I can warm up in the sun. Hey, those mountains look awesome."

It's all in the eye of the beholder... just like beauty is said to be as well.

Our little family moved recently, as you know. We did, in fact, move to an apartment that is smaller than our last one. By only 300 sq. ft.  I am honestly fine with the smaller apartment. I feel as though we needed to look at all our stuff, really look at it, to see what we actually use. And donate or toss the rest.  It is a long process. At least I have time to do that these days.

When I was first tell people that the new place is smaller than that of our last, I felt like they were waiting for me to be upset about the size difference. I have a feeling that might be because so many of us grew up not only having plenty of what we need but also living in a country with the current culture pushing the importance of more of the new shiny things, bigger places to live, pricier clothes and accessories. By the standards in the States, I have never been rich, so maybe I don't know what I am missing. But my perspective is different.

A family of four sleep here. The father in one bed, the mother and children in the other.

I have been blessed with a perspective that keeps developing a greater understanding of the world as a whole. I got a chance to see how some folks in Nicaragua live. Some do live in nice homes, not too much different that we might find here in the states. But there are many who live in what best can be described a tin shack about the size of a storage shed I one had in my back yard in NY. And not just one person living there but a whole family of four. No air conditioning or windows in a part of the world where it is often in the 90's (Fahrenheit) with humidity and dew point near that as well.

That is not anywhere close to my current living conditions. I am honestly just thankful we found affordable housing in an area where my child can go to a great school. That is just my perspective on the situation.


 It would be very wrong of me not to admit that I have struggled with my perspective on different issues during different times of my life. I have, sometime greatly struggled with my perspective. Most days I am generally an enthusiastic optimist.  It can be quite I annoying I bet. Like for a real life example a friend of mine was sharing with me how it seems like one crummy thing is happening after another and she is concerned about what might be coming next. It is like she is living in a storm (now this is seriously my own take on what is going on in her life) on the ocean in a boat that keeps getting pommeled by waves. She is just trying to prepare herself for the next wave to hit. I am am praying for her and the waves in her life. But this is how my optimism can be a bit annoying: Friend: I just keep wondering what will happen next. Me: Maybe a pay raise or free ice cream on Fridays? Friend: You are probably  a bit to optimistic.

 She is probably right. I am a bit too optimistic. There have been days in my past thought that I think that I wasn't and missed out on the good that was right in front of me. I have always had a family that loves me (even when my optimism is over the top!), I have been graced with good health, safe and clean places to
live, chance to grow and learn (in formal and informal settings). I have cleaning drinking water, clean clothes, I get to take a shower whenever I feel I need one, even with nice smelling soap! I have been blessed a loving husband and a healthy child.  Even with all that I have times or days that I do feel like waves are hitting me over and over, causing me to wonder what is next and how am I going to handle it. And I get stuck looking of a wave that is bound to crash over me instead of noticing I don't have to be in the storm alone. It don't like feeling stuck like that. When I realize that it is me that is the grouchy funk, I do what I can to get out of it. Often I ask dear friends of mine to pray from me and to chat with me.  It is easier to get out of a funk when there are others willing to help lift you up and help you find something that is good going on in your life. Usually that is something to be thankful.

It can be a challenge to have a positive perspective but I want that for my reality. Hope it doesn't drive everyone else crazy!

Busy and Thankful

Life has felt busy and a bit overwhelming with all that goes with moving, husband starting a new call (like a new job or a transfer of sorts), and getting details taken care for company this weekend (and peeking at a few possible jobs). I still have boxes to unpack and things to organize. It will be close enough to done when company arrives, and they know we just moved. I am sure things will be fine.

Had a some wonderful moments this evening that really warmed my heart. The first was listening to our daughter play with her daddy (my wonderful husband) and the crazy laughter coming from their play. And the other moment was when She asked her daddy to read her a story, with using voices. He did well with the voices. Apparently better than I do with voices!

 Tonight, I am thankful that my daughter has such a loving daddy. 

New Place, New Routine

Moving is weird.

Wednesday we moved everything out of our place in Nebraska, with wonderful helpers. We moved in to our new place on Friday, with some wonderful helpers here in Tennessee.  It's wild how fast it all went. 

We have been working on making this new place our home... one box at a time. Our cat seems to have settled in, finding all his favorite nap places as we remove boxes. He, just like our daughter, seems to be most happy with things when there is a schedule going on around our place. The cat, named Squirrel, has been a part of bedtime stories and prayers for years. Once we start reading with our daughter, Squirrel wonders in, at his own pace, and finds his place at the foot of her bed. The routine helps him to stay calm in the new place.

Moving feels odd this time. I am not feeling stressed about the move. Some of the details, like getting someone registered for school and preparing for company in a few weeks (or less), sure stresses me a bit. I can't it into words, this move is different from the others. I think that it is at least a good sort of different. Even though I still have to find "my place" in a new city and congregation, I feel like there is a place for me. And that does feel nice. Now I just wait for God to show it to me. 

Maybe I should be like the cat and get a routine going for me. Maybe I will find a routine, after the boxes are unpacked, after the books are all on the shelves and the dishes in the cupboard. After school has started for our kiddo, after my husband has been officially installed and officially starts his new position,  and after company has come and gone, I will find a routine. The routine will help make the new place home.

Until then, I will be embracing the chaos and find ways to make each day orderly and as much of a routine as possible.  

Transition time

Since I have last posted, I have: traveled to Wisconsin to see some family; traveled to Tennessee to visit a congregation that issued him a call; had an awesome visit from a dear friend from Colorado; drove to St. Louis; went to National youth gathering in Texas with about 30,000 other folks; drove to southern Ohio to see family there; husband accepted the call to the Tennessee congregation; and my grandmother turn 90 years old! Tomorrow we we load a moving truck and Thursday we start drive from Nebraska to Tennessee. It has been a good and overwhelming summer!

Two days ago was our last Sunday at the congregation in Nebraska. The congregation gave us a very kind send off. I have been reading the cards they gave us with very kind notes and I feel bad that there are some that I cannot picture who the people are that wrote such lovely notes! This congregation worships about 2,000 people in a weekend, so in my defense, that is a lot of people to learn names for. The members I do know, have been wonderful to us. I am going to miss seeing them every week.  

During the last morning everyone asked the same questions. Here are some of my answers:

~Things are mostly packed. Anyone is welcome to help us load the truck.
~The congregation in Tennessee worships about 120 on a Sunday. I am looking forward to learning everyone's name!
~Kiddo starts school August 2nd.
~Columbia is about 33,000 people.
~I am sad to say good bye to the folks in Nebraska but looking forward to making new friends in Tennessee.
~The closest Target and Starbucks are in the next town, about 15 mins away.
~Kiddo will be going to public school. We are sure she will do well, though she says she will miss having "Jesus time" at school. We will continue "Jesus time" at home.
~We do have a place to live in Tennessee.
~ I will be waiting until I get my family settled before I figure out what to do with my time.

That is the tricky part, figuring out what am I going to be doing. Of course I will unpack, help prepare my daughter to start school next, and do all I can to make our new place feel like home for us. And then I will think of finding a part time job. One that allows me to have the same days off as my daughter does from school and that it is not stressful to take time off for PLI (a program for pastors and their wives that is educational and has very supportive people who encourage us), and maybe even a family vacation.  I am feeling that that is a high maintenance request of just about any job. It is not a overly stressful thing to find a job, other than it is nice to know that I am helping my family so it easier do some of our favorite past times, like traveling or make it more possible to visit family.  Good thing I know that I can trust God and he will provide for my family.

Thank you for any prayers for my family during this move and for the two congregations impacted, may God guide and bless them.

Stress. Who doesn't have any stress? 

For some reason I get the feeling that spiritual people aren't supposed to be stressed. That they are supposed to always be level headed and calm in all situations, trusting God for all things.

I do feel stressed at times. And I am well aware of Bible verses that are often shared in hopes to help people to not be stressed: Be Still and know that I am God... Psalm 46:10; For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11; But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Matthew 6:30. All good verses and though they have been in my mind, it is not decreasing my indigestion. 

I am not stress about material possessions, nor do I have the feeling that I have to control or manage everything. I think my my concern might relate the the Jeremiah passage that I shared. I am fine with whatever plans God has for our family, I just would like to know what that plan is. 

If may help you to know that we have been considering different 'calls' (if you are not LCMS and not sure what I mean by 'call', it's like a job offer to a pastor, for our situation, that the congregation feels God has lead them to a certain man to be their pastor. Then the pastor has to determine if he feels God is calling him to serve at that congregation.)  Since I have last posted (it has been a bit) my husband has received a total of three calls. He has currently turned down two of them and is still considering a third. This weekend we will visit the congregation and pray that God gives us many good clear signs on whether or not we are a fit for the congregation and if they are a fit for us. 

The part that is stressful  is the work that I know that I will possibly need to do at some point. It feels like a looming mountain that will be moved on top of me and I am just waiting for it. All the packing and organizing that goes with moving plus the decision itself bears down on my family. I like to have a head start on packing, so it is not stressful and as much of a crazy whirlwind when the possible moving day arrives. But on the other side, if I start gearing up for moving and we decide that God is not leading us to make this move, then I have to unpack, why do all the work to just undo it?  And then if there is another call, again.... Let's not go there. I will just deal with it if/when it happens.

The root of this stress for me is about being a good wife and mother. I seem to think the more I can do, the less stressful it is for my family. There is probably some truth to it. But if I am so stressed out about it all that I am making myself ill, what good am I? Then here is what I do next, this is crazy, ready for it?? I stress out about being ill. And I am sure you can guess, it only makes me feel worse.    These stresses are self imposed. I know it. It is challenging to get out of the cycle of stress and being stressed about the stress. It is a silly cycle and a sticky one.

The verses I shared earlier are good ones, even for where I am today.  Though, I have found these verses most encouraging to me in the past so today I focus on it again today:
 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Not being anxious is easier said than done. But by the Grace of God, it can happen. I am trusting God for whatever comes next, whether we move or not. And may He give me the strength to get all that I need to done to care for my family and His peace through it all. I am thankful for God's love, grace and peace, I would be total mess without it! 

   This tortoise doesn't seem to be stressed, though does carry his home with him... 

Ideas, Zumba, Bible, Prayer.


I get these great ideas, as I am sure you do also, but it is when I can not act on them. And when I can act on them, I forget what the idea was or end up doing something else that is not nearly as exciting.

Two weeks ago, I had what I thought was a good idea for a blog. I shared the idea with some of my friends and they seemed to think that it was at least an acceptable idea. Two weeks ago. I didn't blog then because I was out of town without my computer (how crazy of me, right?). Once I got home, there were other things to do. You know how that goes?

I am blogging tonight. That counts. And hey, this is at least on the topic of what I wanted to share before.... things I sometimes fail at. Like failing to act on a good idea. Or, which is often my struggle, staying consistent with a goal.

Before I get into personal nitty gritty stuff, I want to share a story about Zumba.

If you are not aware, Zumba is an exercise activity that it like aerobics meets some form of Latin dance. People buy videos and Wii games to do this exercise at home. I like going to my local YMCA and being part of a class. A few years ago (and in a different state) I was in my Zumba class and somehow I trip over my own two feet. During a warm up song. I was not hurt and did fine the rest of the class, physically. Emotionally I was horrified that I had fallen and that so many people had noticed me fall. They asked when it happened if I was okay, seemed to watching out for me during class and checked on me again after class. They were nice about it and very caring ladies but I didn't want them to see me fall. I wanted them to think that I was super and could do the class with few struggles.

Life in a congregation can be like Zumba class. It's great to be with a group of nice folks doing the steps we know we should be doing. If you are anything like me, you do not want it always be public knowledge when things get hard or when you fall. But, also like my Zumba class, there are nice people who want to be encouraging and helpful.

This next step may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is a huge deal to me. I want to share with you what I am currently lousy at, and I pray that you not judge me harshly for my confession. I am hoping by sharing an imperfect part of me that it will not only help me to get back up and start fresh, but maybe encourage others to start anew as well.

Here is my downfall: I am not consistent on reading my Bible daily.

Some may say that is not a big deal, but to me it is. I go through spurts of reading it. I did it for a few days after my last trip. But I have not read it yet today.

I have a plan for my struggle. I want to read a passage everyday intentionally, not just from someone's facebook post (even though those are nice to see) and then spend time in prayer. Prayer is something that I am more content with doing than Bible reading. Why am I like that? Who knows? Just am.  We all have our comfort zones, right?

So tonight, after I post this and catch up with my wonderful husband, I am going to go read my Bible. Then I will get to spend time in prayer. I hope to let you know in a few days how I am doing about staying on track with this goal... hopefully if I don't post anything on this blog it will mean I a busy doing things that are important like caring for my family or spending time in the Word (Bible).  If there is anything I could pray about for you, let me know. I would be happy to do so.